Live in the present moment wisely and earnestly

16 August 2012

Consider rested pretty early the night before at 10pm-ish

Woke up about 4:30 in the morning, remembering a vivid dream just had – My highly efficient ex-VP who are so good in dealing with people and so into and good at professional training. Guess that’s why he was transferred to the Professional Training  Branch as Asst Director

The dream was queer. First of all dreaming about him was queer, even though he is a person I have lots of respect. I went into official training still lack of confidence, and he in his own, both made comments in front of teachers that made me feel so uncomfortable, and at the same time had said things through my HOD that helped me to become confident.

In fact, now, perhaps, over-confident that I am once more doubting the system,

Every day, it crosses my mind or I should say now, reconfirming to myself that I should leave the organisation. I would have done that even at mid-year, if it weren’t a sense of responsibility to complete the year of teaching to 3 classes of students.

What is the issue here? Possibly, I can’t help but love muy students and I am dreading the things I have to do to them – scolding them the younger ones for being playful in class. WHY SHOULDN’T THEY? They ought to as they are just 7-8 year olds. But the class system cannot tolerate this, this class system needs kids who are matured to pay attention to set example to the rest to listen to follow instructions …

And I dread coming into an environment that is always complaining. It is true the nature of work drives one mad. I used to think I could show the other teachers, perhaps, do what is crucial and not just rush through the planned curriculum, then we are not driving ourselves drainned in marking. And perhaps instead of rushing through marking and re-checking for all the corrections, focus time on guiding kids to proper study habits and spend a bit of individual time to pointing their mistakes and tell them the expectations, perhaps we don’t have to do all the assigned exercises or the 8-10 compos a year, and we can get better results. Furthermore, relate to real incidents to encourage the kiddos to express themselves, though it moves away from the curriculum, but the concrete incident help them to speak up and write and even draw. To me, it is surprising so many kids don’t like to draw, including the 7 year olds- then where is the observation skills, not to say about imagination skills.

I GIVE UP. It is a long formed system. Even the teachers do not like what is happening, the amount of marking and still see having kids no sense of responsibility to learn, to do work, teachers think life is like that and cannot be changed – keep doing in midst of complaints either silently or vocally. LIFE DOES NOT HAVE TO LIKE THIS. Life can be succeeded well not having to be like this.

What is the point of working and looking forward to holidays, looking forward not needing to see the kids?! I was on the either hand, quite workholic past 2 years, my time after work is spent thinking of them – both their areas of concern and the sweet part – their loveliness and improvement. I love them, may be I shouldn’t, but I do. And by now, I have to admit it is in my nature to love them. That is why I feel torn when I have to scold them. THERE IS ANOTHER WAY OF LEARNING, and LEARNING WHAT THEY ARE NATUARALLY INTERESTED IN. Half the battle is worn when we start with what they are interested in. Then have I done that? I tried but it is difficult. Concrete example: the monkey that came into the school recently. ALL kids are talking about it, thinking about it – IT IS SUCH A GREAT OPPORTUNITY to get them talking, write a little of the incident, let the thoughts flow out from their mind, and we can actually lead into issues of major concern – the unbalance eco system and that is why the monkeys have run to the school, to the city! It is difficult because I can’t go at length into it, I have to prepare them for exams first, it is a by the way when have time to it item. I am losing a fantastic teaching point, something I feel and I hope it is because I have become egoistic, that this is relevant topic rather than … making them choosing answers fromm the 4 options, rather than even spelling. The latter stuff are not difficult, it is a matter whether the kids want to do that, and how well they want to do, is a matter of right study habits and the target or expectation they have set for themselves. I can always set the targets for them, threaten, entice with gifts, but these are just external. At the end of the day, it is when they want to do well, they KNOW how to achieve it.

haha from the dream of Derek Tan, I have come to this again.

Anyway, the conversation with him and 2 other people was so vivid: the tone of voice, Derek’s prim and porper enunciation, the role we each were playing was just so real.

First, the three of us, Derek, another girl (someone I don’t think I have met but feel very comfortable with) and I were togther after some kind of project, probably different projects or work (may be like this morning I have to give psle oral). We were very tired and sat down talking ( :O we should have gone home and rest if we were so tired). I even lay down with a bolster covering my eyes occasionally and joined in their conversation making remarks.  Then another guy joined in, he was supposed to be friend of the girl. Anyway, we were like at the lounge of some community club. I can’t remember the content of the conversation but remember that when the 4th chap joined in, he was not quite in sync in the conversation, and we were listening to him making out what he was trying to tell us.

So much for now: a description of dream getting no where hmmmm

Time to head off to give oral ………………………………………… life as a teacher which sadly is losing meaning to me ……………………………………………………..





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